This past week I have been reading the book, Escape from Camp 14, a biography written by Blaine Harden. The book focuses on the life of Shin, a North Korean man born in a goulag, who escaped to South Korea at the age of 20. I find myself devouring every page, it is a book so full of knowledge about a world I do not know: North Korea. This book has given me an insight on what is occurring in prison camps in North Korea. Where thousands of North Koreans are left to suffer every day from over 50 years.
I highly encourage all of you to read this book, it will open your mind to other parts of the world.
- To buy the book, click here
- To read the ratings on Goodreads, click here
- To read a news article and watch a video about Shin's story, click here
For today's blog post, I decided to write a journal entry from the perspective of the main character when he is being taken care of by psychiatrists and doctors. I hope this little extract will convince you to read the whole book! I really feel that it is important to be informed on such contemporary and serious topics.
Journal Entry Number 12
October 15, 2010
The people here at LiNK encouraged me to continue keeping a diary, so that is what I am doing. Apparently, it helps with my psychological problems and my nightmares. I must say, I have started having less frequent nightmares. But some still emerge. The shooting of my mother. The hanging of my brother. My father left alone to suffer and die in Camp 14. These nightmares haunt me, and I think that even though some may vanish, they will always be the death of me. While I was on the run, I didn’t have the time or energy to think about what I had left behind. But now, I have plenty of time. People here have been the first to show me some emotion called love, affection though hugs and kisses. I am not used to these acts of kindness, I still refuse them. The reason is because I don’t deserve them. All I have done in Camp 14, I can’t forget. And until I am not forgiven by God or by myself, I will be unable to appreciate and accept any form of love.
The doctors and psychiatrists here all seem very friendly, but I still have fear. I still have gruesome memories. I still am sinful. People here tell me that I should forgive myself, it hadn’t been my fault that I was born in a cruel and inhuman goulag such as Camp 14. But that is a lie. I do not deserve any of what has been given to me. I am still an animal, slowly learning to be human.
The simple thought of me spying and snitching on my family and friends, who should have been the closest people to my heart, makes me vomit. The thought of my infinite anger towards my family makes my knees wobble. The idea that I climbed over a dead man’s body to escape the deadly electrical fence, makes me want to disappear.
I just hope that one day, I will be able to feel human emotions, and get accustomed to normal society. Not to cruelty. I hope that one day, I won’t have nightmares anymore, because I have learned to forgive my past self, and learned from it. I hope that I will be able to have relations, to speak, to look people in the eye. I hope I will be able to help people who are still left in prison camps in North Korea. Because even though I have escaped, and slowly started to see the world, thousands more are still left to suffer, to live miserable ‘lives’, and to die in such camps. Yes. The only thing that keeps me going is that idea. And while the first step is to overcome my panic attacks and dream peaceful dreams, I will try to help others. That is the only way my sins will be perished.
Comments
Post a Comment